How To Negotiate With Your Valentine.

By Mary Greenwood

Ever notice that you get into a fight or argument with your beloved on Valentine’s Day? Somehow on the most romantic day of the year, you end up having a heated discussion when you had expected a romantic candle-lit dinner. Here are some tips for negotiating with your Valentine this year.

1. You Don’t Have To Be Right to Settle

Did you know that there are three words we want to hear, even more than “I love you?” We love to here those three magic words, “You are right.” For some this is even harder to say than “I love you.” And if you say, “You are absolutely right”, that is even sweeter. When someone says, “It is the principal that counts”, that usually means that being right is more important that resolving the dispute. You have to get beyond who is right and who is wrong and get to what is going to resolve the negotiation. Feeling that you are right can be a heady emotion, but it has no place in a negotiation, especially with a loved one. Try saying, “You are absolutely right” and see what happens.

2. Don’t get distracted by your emotions.

This may be sound contradictory but negotiating with your spouse or loved ones can sometimes be more difficult that negotiating with business colleagues. It is easier to get your feelings hurt because of the emotional investment in the relationship. If you want to have a successful Valentine’s Day, it is important to check your emotions at the door, even if you are upset about something your spouse has said or done. You need to get past this stage if you are going to have a nice Valentine season. Try to put those feelings of anger or resentment aside for a couple of days. You can always revisit those issues in March.

3. Look Forward Not Back. The Past Is Called The Past For A Reason

Do you ever notice that sometimes negotiations with loved ones tend to be the same argument over and over? Valentine’s season is not the time to dredge up old disputes. The past is the called the past for a reason. Refraining from bringing up those past arguments will help you stay in the present. If your loved one is too involved in the past, get them into the present by asking them what they want now to resolve the dispute. By staying in the present, you will have a better chance of resolving today’s negotiation.

4. Familiarity Can Breed Contempt

Sometimes the parties know each other so well that they use that information against each other and push each other’s buttons. This is one reason we have the same arguments over and over. This is called passive hostility. Sometimes we will say something just to get a reaction just because we can. Refrain from baiting your loved one. If your loved one is doing this to you, you need to put a stop to it. Point out what he or she is doing. Ask them for a truce during Valentine season and see what happens.

5. Lower Your Expectations

One reason that romantic plans go awry is that the expectations are too high. First of all, if there is something you want to do or somewhere you want to go, let your Valentine know. Don’t expect the other side to be a mind reader or you will likely be disappointed. If you want to go to a particular restaurant, offer to make the reservations or drop some hints. If your goal is to have a pleasant evening with dinner and a movie, you can probably achieve that. If your goal is to have the most romantic evening of the year, you will inevitably be disappointed.

I hope these tips will help you have a great Valentine’s Day!

Mary Greenwood, Miami Beach Attorney and Mediator has written an award-winning book, How to Negotiate like a Pro, 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, which is available at Books and Books Bookstore and online at http://www.barnesandnoble.com or http://www.amazon.com . To contact Mary, Visit http://www.Marygreenwood.com or email her at Howtonegotiate@aol.com DIY Award 2006, Los Angeles, California, Best “How To” Book